Fate of the Hawke
by faynyx
Summary: her love for her family lead her to kirkwall but when they were gone he was the reason she stayed. this is the story of Hawke both during her years in kirkwall and after. mostly pg writing but will have some rated m scenes in it for romances. Picture by sandara from DeviantArt
1. Interlude to Prologue

Interlude to prologue

It was over, the war that had been building in Kirkwall since I had arrived 6 years before was done. I had come to think of Kirkwall as my home but with Meredith's blood staining the ground at my feet I knew I would no longer be able to stay. What Anders had done tainted this city for all of us. I looked at my companions, covered in the blood and sweat of battle they now held the templar's at bay. I glanced at Cullen through my coal black hair and knew that he would not fight us as we left. Even though we were responsible for the circle tower being in shambles, they would have their hands full trying to collect the remaining mages who no longer wanted to be under the oppressive thumb of the Templar's. With no chantry to help calm the raging waters, Kirkwall would continue to burn and fall to pieces. Silently I cursed Anders again hot tears leaking out of the corners of my eyes, his actions both angered and saddened me. Blowing up the chantry felt like a betrayal, one I wasn't sure I could ever forget or forgive. I nodded to Cullen in apology or an agreement I do not know for sure but turned my back on him and walked way.

We boarded the boats we had journeyed to the gallows in and hurried quickly back to Kirkwall. Though we were out of the templar's sights for now I didn't want to push our luck staying to long however there were things I need to collect from my estate. When we docked, I turned to my friends, "I think it is imperative that we all leave the city as soon as possible. Isabella is your ship ready to sail?"

Her lips quirked into one of her sultry smiles, "My ship is always ready Hawke." I smiled slightly at her double meaning.

"I don't know what is going to happen from this moment forward our lives were all changed here this day. I know I can no longer remain and see the ashes of what once was; I have lost too much to this city. I invite you all as my friends to join me in this new journey but will understand if you choice to go your own ways."

"So we have no clue where we are going and no plans for what to do when we get there? Sounds like a typical Hawke plan," Varric quipped. "Can't wait."

I smiled baring my teeth glad in the knowledge that one of my oldest friends in Kirkwall would be joining me, of course there was no way he would miss out on all the new stories he could create from my misadventures. The others nodded but said nothing; I felt _his_ eyes upon me and knew without asking that he would go wherever I was, neither of us could truly exist without the other. "If anyone is planning on joining me meet back at Isabella's ship at dawn that should give everyone enough time to pack what they can. If I don't see you at the docks understand that you have all come to be my family; I love you and I wish you the best."

I turned my back my focus now on home. I traveled to Hightown quickly letting myself in to the Hawke estate. I hoped Bodahn and Sandal were all right but could not hear them inside the house. I moved quickly but quietly down the halls slipping into my mother's rooms only to grab a few of her things to take with me as a reminder. I looked around her room one last time taking a deep breath of her perfume before heading to my own chambers. I grabbed a pack and started gathering some clothes, wrapping potions inside of them to keep them from breaking. I refilled the potion pouch on my hip as well. I took all the gold I had hidden and placed it in various pouches both on me and inside the pack.

When I finished I stood in front of my desk, my journal, which I had written in faithfully for years, lay on the polished surface. Setting my pack on the floor, I picked the book up moving across the room I sank into the side of my bed running my fingers over the binding's tracing the markings on the cover. Every heartbreak and love; every loss and death; every thought and emotion; everything that had happened or I had felt was in these pages. Opening the book, I turned them until I came to the last entry. Today's events were still missing from the pages and without them; my story in Kirkwall wasn't complete. Taking the journal, I crossed back over to my desk grabbing a quill I quickly filled in the last events that had transpired. When the pages dried, I flipped it to the opening page and wrote a quick note there. When I finished I placed the journal back on the desk. Though my tale was not finished, what occurred in Kirkwall was too important of a story not to share. Someone someday would find my journal and I can only hope it will help everyone to understand how the Champion of Kirkwall both saved and destroyed the city.


	2. prologue

~sorry this chapter is short like it says just a prologue in to the first chapter~

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><p>Prologue<p>

This is my story though Varric would tell it with more embellishment than I. The pages you hold in your hands contain the truth as I remember it. As you read these pages, you may or may not agree with the decisions I had to make. But know everything I did, I tried to do for those who I loved and lost and in the end tried to make the world a place where we could all be treated as equals.


	3. Chapter One Year 1

this chapter follows the events at the beginning of the game pretty closely i have made some changes and filled in the descriptions bioware owns all the copyrighted characters and storylines.

rated K

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><p>Chapter One<p>

Lothering

Year One

In Lothering people were simple; they woke, did chores, went to the chantry, drank at the tavern. My life was not so simple, you see my family had a secret; my father was a mage; my sister, Bethany, was a mage and I, Ariea Hawke, am a mage. The only one who was lucky enough to be born normal was my brother Carver, a fact that he loved to rub in my face daily, well at least he did until he joined the army at Ostagar. It was a relief not hearing him complaining about of having to live up to mother's expectations; however, I missed him while he was gone. In fact, I missed him all the way up to the day he came back home with the darkspawn on his heals then I was grateful for him to be alive.

When Loghain abandoned our King Cailan at Ostagar, it was a slaughter. For my brother to survive and make it home to warn us was miracle one I am still amazed at to this day. We left Lothering quickly, but darkspawn blocked every path we took. They came from the forests and from beneath our feet slaughtering everyone that stood in their way. Their taint blackened the very fields that I had once chased my siblings through.

Just outside of Lothering with my family in tow, we came upon a templar named Wesley and his wife Aveline. Though it was clear, he wanted to perform the duty the templar order had instilled in him. However, with him injured, his wife was able to talk him into working with us instead. With his word his duty would wait for another day, we headed south into the wilds. We traveled towards Gwaren, to take a boat to Kirkwall it was a far destination and we were poorly equipped for what we were to face that day.

Thoughts of that clearing still haunt me today. The ogre came from nowhere, it grabbed my baby sister and tossed her around like a rag doll, my blood ran cold. Aveline, Carver and I surrounded the beast both of them taking turns cutting at it while I froze it in place. Darkspawn came upon us while we fought and Carver turned his attention to keeping them off us. Out of the corner of my eye, I glimpsed my mother holding Bethany in her arms, rage washed over me and power flooded through me, my eyes burned with the power of the fade. Summoning the largest fireball I had ever created I burned the bastard in mid-lunge. Turning quickly I froze the remaining darkspawn in place as Aveline and Carver cut them down.

Carver and I rushed to mother's side. "Bethany, wake up! The battles over! We're fine," mother cried trying to rouse Bethany. My blood chilled and I knew it was no use my beautiful baby sister would never open her lovely eyes again.

"I'm sorry mistress, your daughters gone." Aveline cajoled.

"No!" mother denied, "These monsters will not take Bethany."

I lowered myself to mothers side my heart breaking as I spoke, "she risked her life to save ours, she died bravely mother."

"I don't want a hero," mother raged. "I want my daughter! How could you let her charge off like that? Oh my poor little girl, my sweetheart."

Carver knelt beside me staring in disbelief at his twin. Sorrow written all over his features, "mother, if we stand here weeping the darkspawn will surely take the rest of us too and her death will be in vain."

Wesley spoke gently, Aveline standing firmly by his side, "allow me to commend your daughters' soul to the Maker mistress." Mothers head bowed low over Bethany's body tears tracking silently down her cheeks. "Ashes we were and ashes we become. Maker, give this young woman a place at your side. Let us take comfort in the peace she has found in eternity." Carver looked away from mother, unshed tears in his eyes. Perhaps later, he might cry but not here not in front of so many who would see him as vunerable. I blinked rapidly and two hot tears splashed down my face. It was all I would allow myself to cry, later when we were safe I would mourn my baby sister but for now it was enough.

Mother took Bethany's head from her lap and placed it gently on the ground. Then, taking Bethany's hands she crossed them over her chest and placed a farewell kiss on her forehead. "I will never forget you Bethany," she promised. Raising my arms, I asked the earth to take Bethany into its embrace. We watched in silence as the ground rose up around her covering her completely. It was not our way to bury our dead, but I did not think mother could have handled me burning her.

"Our lives were more valuable to her than our prayers. We need to go before the darkspawn are upon us," I said curtly, standing with Carver we turned leaving Bethany in her eternal resting place.

"Flames," Aveline cursed.

I growled low in my throat and threw myself at the nearest darkspawn casting a fireball at the two closest to me burning them to death and engaging a third with the end of my staff. Carver and Aveline fought to protect mother and Wesley. I turned to see their progress, rejoining them Carver shouted above the clash of weapons "there's no end to them!" Darkspawn surrounded us we were cornered a mountain stood behind us and our death surely waited in front of us.

I charged my staff electricity crackling down the shaft through my fingers and prepared to fight to my last breath. The ground shook and above us, a guttural roar filled the skies. The darkspawn looked up stunned and we turned to see what loomed above us. I stared in horrific awe as a dragon uncurled its wings, screeching and took to the skies above us. No, not above us towards us. It opened its mighty jaws and blew a line of flames over our heads at the darkspawn. We ducked to the ground as it soared overhead. Confused, I raised myself up off the ground and watched it attacked them instead of us. As it swooped down it grabbed one of the darkspawn in its claws tossing it into the air to its death before circling back around and landing in the flames.

It opened its massive jaws once again, spitting fire at the remaining darkspawn around it; and with final swipe of its claws, it crushed the last one before turning its attention to us. I waited for the attack that never came, instead watched in awe as the dragons wings closed in on its body and transformed into a woman. Her stark white hair contrasted against her dark purple ensemble, a mixture of pieces from both the Tevinter mages and the Chasind. She walked towards us the darkspawn still in her claws before dropping him amongst the litter of corpses already on the ground. Carver braced himself for an attack while Wesley collapsed against my mother and his wife.

"Well, well what have we here?" The stranger asked as I crossed over to meet her or protect my family from her, I was not quite sure which yet. "It used to be we never got visitors to the wilds. But now it seems they arrive in hordes!"

I opened my mouth to thank her but asked instead, "Impressive, where did you learn to turn yourself into a dragon?" I closed my mouth confused by the words that had passed my lips.

"Perhaps I am a dragon," she cooed. "If so count yourself lucky. The smell of darkspawn does nothing for the appetite. If you wish to flee the darkspawn, you should know you are heading in the wrong direction." She turned and started walking away.

"So you are just going to leave us here?" Carver asked in disbelief at her retreating form. She stopped walking only turning her head slightly to address his question. "And why not?" she turned completely around but focused her attention directly at me. "I spotted a most curious sight; a mighty ogre vanquished! Who could perform such a feat I asked myself? Now my curiosity is sated and you are safe…for the moment. Is that not enough?'

I blinked in awe of her, I could feel the power rolling off her in waves and tried to take care with my words but once again, when I opened my mouth what I was thinking popped out instead. "You could show me that trick of yours, it looks quite useful." I smiled at her.

She laughed and I knew that I had said the right thing, "I daresay it is! Such a clever tongue for a mage! Tell me, clever child how do intend to out run the blight?"

"We're going to Kirkwall - in the free marches," Carver interjected.

"Kirkwall?" she surmised. "My but that is quite the voyage your planning. So far - to simply flee the darkspawn."

"Any better suggestions? I hear the deep roads are vacant now," I wondered dryly.

She laughed full of mirth, "Oh you I like. Hurdled into the chaos you fight…and the world will shake before you," she predicted her eyes boring into me.

I shook my head narrowing my eyes at her, "What the flame?"I thought, "Who is this woman?"

She turned from us deep in thought, talking to herself "is it fate or chance? I can never decide." She lowered her head thoughtful then turned back to us. "It appears fortune smile upon us both today. I may be able to help you yet."

"Anything you could do for us would be appreciated," I said sincerely

"Should we even trust her? We don't even know what she is," Carver protested.

"I know what she is," Aveline spoke up as she bent over Wesley tending to his wounds. "The witch of the wilds."

"Some call me that," she acknowledged. "Also Flemeth, Asha'bellanar, an old hag who talks too much." she laughed. "Does it matter? I offer you this I will get your group past the hoard in exchange for a simple delivery to a place not far out of your way would you do this for a _witch of the wilds_?"

I thought for a moment turning to my companions, " I think we should trust her, what do you think Aveline?"

"Wes is injured, we'll never escape the darkspawn without aid," she answered. I turned away from them while Wes argued with her and back to Flemeth.

"Why do you not go yourself?" I asked her.

She paused slightly taken aback, "I have an appointment to keep. Happily, you are not without your own needs.

"We don't have much choice, I accept your help," I sighed.

"We never do," she agreed.

"What is this task you ask of us?"I wondered.

"There is a clan of Dalish elves near the city of Kirkwall. Deliver this amulet to their keeper, Marethari." She handed me a silver amulet with a glowing purple stone that looked like an eye in the center of it. I slipped it over my neck and under my clothes for safekeeping. "Do as she asks with it and any debt between us will be paid in full." Her eyes flashed gold as she turned from me. "Before I take you anywhere however, there is another matter…"she focused her attention on Aveline and Wesley I turned my head following her line of sight. Wesley was as pale as a sheet and dark lines traced his veins in his face, he coughed deeply blood spitting out of his mouth.

Aveline stood feeling our attention on her and him, "No, leave him alone!" she demanded.

"What has been done to your man is within his blood already," Flemeth explained.

"You lie!" she cried.

"No, she's right Aveline," Wes croaked. "I can feel the corruption inside of me."

"Could you cure him?" I asked. "A mage of your caliber would know something especially living in the wilds all these years?"

She laughed, "I know a great many things, sadly the only cure I know of is to become a Gray Warden."

"And they all died at Ostagar," Aveline accepted sadly.

"Not all, but the only two remaining are now beyond our reach," Flemeth mused.

Aveline and Wesley spoke softly to each other and I wondered what would it feel like to love someone other than family so much that you would be willing to die for them? Watching them say goodbye broke what was left of my heart and I was silently thankful that I had never had anyone like that besides my family. I lowered myself beside them Avelines' shattered heart written all over her face.

"He's your husband Aveline, I can't decide his fate." I murmured.

"Be strong my love," he whispered kissing the back of her hand before placing his dagger in it. Holding his hand in hers around the blade, she closed her eyes and plunged it into his chest.

"Goodbye my love," she whispered closing his eyes with her fingertips Aveline stood with Flemeth beside her.

"Without an end there can be no peace," Flemeth soothed watching as I called to the earth and sent Wes into the ground. We all rose and followed Flemeth away from that wretched clearing.

"It will get no easier," she stated. "Your struggles have only just begun."


	4. Chapter Two Year 1

this chapter took longer than i wanted it too but i got distracted writing a fanfic for Dragon age origins hope you enjoy this chapter :)

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><p>Chapter Two<p>

Lothering-Waking Sea-Kirkwall

Year One

It took days but Flemeth kept her word helping us escape the horde and get to Gwaren. From there we sailed north across the waking sea where storms plagued our flight. Angry waves lashed against our plight and two weeks passed slowly cramped against other survivors. I spent my time trying to console mother. Every night in her sleep, I would lay awake listening to the sound of her weeping. Many a night I joined her in silence, the ache of losing my sister still fresh in my heart. Carver took to making our already miserable lives worse. He complained more than he ever had. I wanted to smack him down, to needle the rivalry we had always had but found myself being kinder to him than I ever had. I looked into his face and saw the remnants of not only Bethany but also father. Any anger I had at him disappeared with my sorrow and I knew he was only acting the brat because he too was hurting and needed away to release his pain.

I took the time while we traveled to get to know Aveline, talking to her helped to fill the void Bethany had left behind. Bethany and I had always been close of course, both of being mages we had to stay close to one another, but more than that, she had been my best friend. Carver, he had the freedom to make friends in Lothering, her and I well we were all we had really. Aveline turned into a good friend to have at my back. She was the sword I always wished I could wield strong and steady often reminding me of myself however, shy in her own way. Her and Carver got along fine enough they would stay up unable to sleep whispering the horrors they had both seen at Ostagar. I was glad that he had someone he could share that nightmare with.

Then came the day we heard the call for land, I did not know it then but my life was never going to be the same. The decisions I would make in that city would change the world of Thedas forever.

Dirty, cramped, desperate and hungry but alive when we hit the shores of Kirkwall, I had never been so happy to see land in my life. Ahead of me, hundreds of refuges crowded around the entrance into Kirkwall when we made the decision to come here it did not cross our mind that others might have the same idea. Mother had written ahead to her brother Gamlen but we still had to wait at the gates for three days while the guards tracked him down. Which they only did because we saved captain Ewald from an attack at the gates. When Gamlen did decide to show he wasn't very pleasant but was able to come up with a couple of different ways for us to "earn" our way into Kirkwall.

Gamlen had a few contacts who were willing to pay the bribe for us to get into Kirkwall, one was a mercenary named Meeran the other a smuggler named Athenril. He left it up to us to decide whom to work for and given the choice I went with Athenril though in truth neither of them was an option I really wanted to take. However, she wasn't a slaver I figured she would be the lesser of the two evils. Being a mercenary may have brought our name to the lips of influential people in Kirkwall but I couldn't handle willingly killing people, defending myself was one thing but I wasn't a murderer. Therefore, we accepted Athenrils' offer and started our year of servitude.

Besides a year of work wasn't that long if you thought about it. Moreover, it would give us an opportunity to make new contacts and keep us protected for a year from the templar's as well. I also hoped to have us un-tarnish the Hawke surname Gamlen had made a right mess of it in mother's absence.

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><p>It was a rough year but we somehow got through it Aveline worked off her debt with us until she was accepted into the guard then her and Athenril worked out some kind of deal between the two of them. What the specifics were I don't know but I did notice how few guards were around when we were delivering. We didn't see her much after that either but I felt safer at night knowing she was helping to protect the streets of Kirkwall.<p>

Carver and I settled into our rolls in Athenrils group, we were mostly there for protection as well as discourage other smugglers and thieves from trying anything stupid. People tended to stay out of your way when a mage and an ex soldier are involved. A few months into our year, the coterie started nudging out other small independent smuggling groups. The first time, they threatened us, all cocky from how the others had easily been "persuaded" into retirement, I put them in their places very quickly a couple of binding spells and they were delivered back to their headquarters with a message to leave us be. I had hoped how easily they were contained and then returned would discourage them from attacking us in the future.

I was wrong. The second time, they came at us with weapons instead of threats and I had to use deadly force. It wasn't like killing darkspawn, they were deserving of death with their taint destroying everything it touched, taking human life haunted me. Covered in blood and Maker only knows what other body fluids, the stench of death coating the air, I was sick to my stomach afterwards. I retched in a corner away from Athenril and her companions.

Carver stood guard annoyed, "must you sister?"

"Excuse me if killing another makes my stomach churn," I sneered. "I'm not like you Carver I did not sign up for war, to willingly walk in to battle. This life has been thrust upon me."

"Doesn't stop you from being so bloody good at it," he mocked.

"While I will not stand idly by and die because I have been attacked I will show some compassion for the lost of human life. Despite how much they may or may not have deserved it." I defended.

"How pragmatic of you sister," he said with disdain. "Yet another way to show how morally superior you are to the rest of us."

I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand rising from my knees. I glared at him, "Screw you Carver, the only one who believes that nonsense is you."

"Everyone always talks about how much better you are than me at everything. It's not true, you wouldn't last one minute in a real fight without your magic. You don't even know how to us a proper weapon." He alleged.

My sight burned with fury and I searched the closest body to me pulling a dagger from the charred corpse. The metal felt odd in my hands, my brother may have been right about never wielding a "proper weapon" but I could feel it in my bones how to fight with it. Calling the hottest flame to my hands, I turned my staff over and melted the blade to the end of it. Then using a cold spell I cooled it, when I finished my staff was now both magical and deadly. I crisscrossed it in front of me whipping it from side to side testing the weight of it. Satisfied, I turned to Carver.

"Come brother lets test your blade against mine," I said pointing the sharp end at him. He shrugged his shoulders at me muttering under his breath. "'Tis what I thought are nothing but an angry little boy with a pointy stick."

He stopped his back tensing then he struck swiftly turning and slashing out with his sword. I brought the end of my staff up crossing his blade with mine. He growled breaking the contact and swung his sword at me again. I met each thrust of his blade with mine blocking his strikes. Though he tried desperately, he could not break through my defense. He fought with his anger and soon he got sloppy. I saw an opening under his sword arm. I broke our lock forcing his sword up and quickly thrust my blade under his arm cutting between his armor, catching him by surprise. I took the offense against him forcing him to defend against my strikes.

I worked him backwards, feigning left as he moved to block, with a quick twist I cut right catching him along the arm forcing him to drop his weapon he dove to his knees reaching for it. He turned weapon in hand to find my dagger at his throat. Sweat rolled down my back and my arms burned like fire but I held my ground. I panted heavily, looking down at him. "It's not about being better Carver. It about who wants it more, it's about the difference between my life and their death."

I pulled the blade from his throat and offered my hand to him. He shrugged it off, getting to his feet carefully cradling his arm against his chest. I secured my staff across my back with its strap over my chest. Summoning healing magic, I put my palms over Carvers wounds knitting them together and fixing any internal muscle damage I had caused. I took a lyrium potion from my hip pouch and took a deep drink before putting it back in the holster. I looked Carver over while he pouted making sure I had healed all his wounds.

"I'm sorry baby sister," I thought. "I know I promised I would try to be kinder to him but he needs me to be hard on him or he will never grow out of my shadow."

"It is time you stop whining about being in my shadow, either fall in line beside me as my brother or find your own way. I'm done babying you." I turned my back to him rejoining our group who had been captivated by the whole scene.

Though Carver and I would still have our arguments in the months to come we never fought against each other again. As for the Coterie, they left Athenrils group alone for the remainder of the year. I was sure once our year was up that Carver and I would see them again.


End file.
